Just a State of Mind

I've always considered age to be a state of mind.  Ryan seems to have been born old.  By the time he was twenty-two he was all ready feeling sixty or so.  Me, I have finally broken out of my twenties.  But only just barely.  No amount of wrinkles or gray hair have been able to force me to face the reality that time is swiftly passing us by.  In fact, I even giggle to myself that with our differing views of aging, pretty soon we are going to have a May-December romance! 

However, Ryan recently sat me down to discuss the effects that age are having.  For the past six weeks he has been seriously hampered by pain in his hip.  Pain is not unusual for Ryan.  I think he lives with some every day.  So when he is worried, I know it is considerable.  When he actually breaks down and goes to the doctor, then things are pretty severe.  And when he finally wants to talk about it, well, I know that the situation is significant.

Now, I'm not a stranger to serious, unwanted, or uncomfortable discussions.  Like many of you, I've had to answer the "What's a tampon?" or "How do babies come out?" sorts of questions.  No problem.  By the time I've gone through it with Lauren, I don't even break a sweat.  On top of that, I've had to sit through meetings about students who have been abused or are abusers themselves.  I've talked to kids about cutting themselves, taking drugs, and having sex.  One year I even had to discuss masturbation with a girl in my class.  (OK, I did sweat over that one!)

But none of those shook me like this discussion did.  For the past twenty years I've always seen Ryan as indestructible.  My own personal Superman.  Sure, he has a slight limp, and a tendency to get sinus infections.  But other than that, I've always figured he could make, fix or do anything.  Yet here he was, telling me that he wasn't sure he could keep up that pace any more.

Thankfully, things have improved since then.  Soon he will hear from the doctor.  In the meantime, he's found some pain-killers that are helping.  He's learning to slow down...a little bit.

I'm learning that Superman is overrated.  That kryptonite is real, but not necessarily a bad thing.  Mostly, I'm reminded that I'll take the intelligent, thoughtful, generous, thirty-nine year old I've got now over that muscle-bound twenty-year old any day!

Perspective...and Mosquitos

This evening, the girls really wanted a Pepsi from Brides.  Since that was all they were getting for dinner, I easily agreed.  I sat in the car and watched customers while the girls ran inside.  It seemed that every person pumping gas had spontaneously broken out in some weird tribal dance.  As I watched, they would wave their arms wildly in the air, occasionally beating themselves or their friends in the head.  If a checkbook or purse was available, this became part of the routine, swinging and flinging it to a silent rhythm.   Finally, I realized that they were fighting off a plague of mosquitoes that seems to have descended on St. Johns. 

I'd be lying if I said I didn't enjoy the show.  I even giggled a little as I watched the various techniques for trying to fend off the dang blood suckers.  I seriously considered pulling out my cell phone to record the entertainment.  Only the arrival of Pepsi-wielding girls stopped me and cinematic endeavours. 

Driving home, I continued to smile at the memory.  But then, I remembered what I had been doing all afternoon...fending off my own swarm of mosquitoes.  When repellent didn't work, I had performed my own clapping, twisting and slapping routine.  It wasn't so funny then.  In fact, Sydney, who was playing in a soccer scrimmage had given me a big wave during her game-thinking that my "dance" was an attempt to get her attention.  Who knows how many people were giggling over MY vain attempts to protect my precious blood?

So there you go.  I'd never (and I mean NEVER) be grateful for a mosquito.  But today I was reminded that my actions, experiences and even emotions are the result of my personal perspective.  It may be right, it may be wrong, or it may not even matter.  But I better be willing to hand over my Deep Woods OFF before I start giggling at anyone again. 

I'm Ordering Pizza

It's a proven fact you cannot cook dinner and clean the house on the same day. 

That's my story-and I'm stickin' to it.

Captain of the World

We have a little saying at school.  (So really, like three of us have a saying at school but whatever, it's my story).  When someone is being bossy and kind of sticking their nose into every single rule that has been written we call them "Captain of the World".  It also involves sticking one hand on your hip and the other one out in the stiff-arm-fist-clenched Superman pose sort of way. 

For instance, if there are a bunch of kids in the hall at lunch, when they should be outside one of us will get up, hold the pose and then speed off to right the wrongs.  Or maybe kids are being late to class, so Miss Captain of the World may come up with a solution that ultimately fixes the problem, but also gives her twice the amount of work.  Good idea?  Possibly.  Except that the kids weren't arriving late to her class-she just listened to everyone else complaining about it.  When Captain of the World sees a problem, she's always there to fix it.  Even (and maybe especially) when it's not her problem to begin with. 

More and more, Captain of the World is me.  But this Captain of World does not just clamor for her ideas.  She is willing to put in the work to see it through. Even when her husband tells her she's a fool.  That she should let her colleagues deal with the school problems instead of always offering to help.  And yet, each day, she gathers her sword and shield ready to fight injustice.  Or at the very least, try to teach kids how to show respect, be responsible and be honest.

The sad lesson I learned today is that not everyone needs a Captain of the World.   

Ryan guffawed when I told him my epiphany.  I'm thinking that I'm going to hang up the sword and shield in favor of a raised eyebrow and a "don't know what to tell you" shoulder shrug. I'd like to say that the rest of the world will miss me.  But they probably won't.  Truth be told (and I am saying this with a wry chuckle) they probably won't even notice. 

Because in the end, there is a slight possibility that the Captain of the World, needed them a lot more than they needed her.

PS Don't worry-I will still search the skies over Gotham for the Bat signal....just in case...

Here We Go Again

Once again, a new year begins.  And once again, the kids posed for the annual "first day of school" pictures.

Lauren is headed to 4th grade and her first year at the Middle School.  No more bus rides.  Yea for both of us!  But first Lauren had to promise Tank that she would miss her dearly while she was away at school.

Syd is starting her sophomore year.  She has a busy, busy schedule with Physics, Algebra II, English, World History and Spanish II, with Seminary and Weight Training thrown in as well.  She missed Cade this morning when I dropped her off twenty minutes early.  It seems that last year she and Cade had it timed to make it just before the bell rang.

It was a little melancholy for me as well.  This was our first picture with only two kids.  But tonight, as we were doing homework, signing all of the beginning of the year papers, and going over our schedules, I realized that two was enough to keep me busy! 

He Looks so Sweet Now...

I don't know what it is.  Maybe it's because I'm getting older.  Maybe it's because it's not going to rain.  Maybe it's because it's Tuesday.  Whatever it is, I've been thinking about my own growing up years.  I was just telling Sydney that I think I had a near perfect childhood.  No, I never did get that horse I wanted.  But my days were full of a little bit of work and lots of fun, laughter and love.

After six years, my dad was recently released from his calling of his ward's bishop.  During those years, people constantly stopped to tell me how much they love and appreciate my dad.  Normally, I would solemnly nod my head in agreement.  Until they got to what a sweet, kind man he is.  Then I would do my best not to snort and roll my eyes. 

You see, under all of that sweetness and kindness is a man who loved to tease his kids and watch them squirm.  Now, as a parent, I understand that sometimes, you've just got to create your own entertainment.  But as I kid all I knew was that you'd better be on your toes around him.

His favorite trick (besides the say "sh"  now say "it".  Faster, faster, faster! one) occurred when we would go to the movie theater here in St. Johns.  Trying to save money, we would sneak in our own treats, but still buy a pop from the theater.  M&M's could be easily hidden in my mom's purse.  But what to do about that bulky bag of microwave popcorn?  Oh yes.  Let's have Marcie wear a jacket and she can hide the popcorn under it.  As a complete follower of THE RULES, this mortified me.  But my dad didn't stop there.  We would stand in line, waiting for a pop and my dad would loudly proclaim.

"Hey Marc, it's hot in here.  Why don't you take off that jacket?"
"Uh, no dad." I'd mumble.  "I'm just fine.  Thanks though."
"Nah" he'd persist, "You've got to be burning up.  Let me take it for you."
At some point, he would give up.  Or I'd scurry to find a seat, with or without a Pepsi.

Looking back, my grown-up self would have handed him the jacket and pointed out to the world that he was a breaker of THE RULES.  But my little kid self just took it.  And loved every stinkin' minute of it because he may have just gotten me, but who knew what he could do to torture the other kids!?!  If I just hung in long enough I would get to see that entertainment.

And isn't that what family is all about?

Splish Splash

The rain has been coming down each afternoon.  The adult in me complains (but only a little) about the canyon that is forming in my front drive.  The kid in me took off her shoes and waded down the road with Lauren.  We even found leaves and sticks to send down our river-watching them as they headed out to sea.  Or at least down to Main Street.

Which reminded me of one of my favorite stories:  A few years ago, Kellie and I took a trip to Washington DC.  By night, we stayed with my sister-in-law, Felicia and her family.  By day, we were Queen Tourists of the all Metro System Stops.  One day, Kell and I got caught in a rainstorm right by the White House.  (As a side note-we decided that as the "People's House" they should invite in the people who were stuck outside in a rainstorm.  They don't).  We jogged across Lafayette Park, looking for a place to duck into.  Crossing the street at a light I was grateful that I didn't have to break stride as I deftly (yeah right) leaped over a large puddle in the crosswalk.  Kellie, on the other hand, stopped briefly, looked at the sophisticated and stately surroundings, and jumped, two-footed, straight into the puddle.  And that is one of the reasons I love Kell-Bell.

Sophistication is SO over-rated.