This year, one of the students I am teaching is a boy with autism. He is a happy-go-lucky kid who loves school and all of the teachers. Yesterday, he bounded into my classroom unexpectedly, shrugged his arms up in the air and exuberantly shouted, "Where have I been?"
Well, as a matter of fact, he had been at the occupational therapist's room, and was supposed to be in his English class, so I sent him across the hall. Later at lunch as I relayed the story to my colleagues we all had a warm-hearted laugh.
"Where have I been?" Truthfully, I can't get those words out of my mind. I don't know him well enough to understand the nuances of his language. What did he mean? Was he simply confusing words, or was he truly lost? Was it a game and I was supposed to guess where he had been? Was it his way of looking for direction? I don't know.
What I do know is that those words (or ones very similar) could have come from me at one time or another.
They've been said in remorse, as in "Where have I been" as a friend, relative or child needed me and I was oblivious to the situation.
They've been said in frustration as in "Where have I been" while I see habits of my children that I should have put a stop to a long time ago.
They've been said with melancholy as in "Where have I been" as I've watched those same children mature into the near-grown people they are now. (Once again, thanks to little Lauren for being considerably younger).
How many times have I wanted to yell, "Where have I been!" Haven't you missed me? Haven't you noticed me? Please, tell me I am important to you! (Yeah, I'm really not the grown-up, "together" girl you may have assumed me to be...)
They've been said with regret as in "Where have I been" when I've lost my way in life. When my priorities have been clouded, or my anxiety has blocked out the light.
BUT, they have also been said with pride, as in "LOOK Where I have been!" Every bump, every scrape, every fall and every triumph has guided me to the place where I am now.
And hopefully I can add to the phrase....
"Where have I been...
...and look where I'm going!"
4 comments:
Marcie,
That is such incredible insight. You amaze me. I am so lucky that you are my sister. Thanks for being such an example to me in more ways than you know.
(And, yes, I for one do miss you. I wish we were as close as we used to be.)
I love this! I have been asking that question a lot lately. I need to stop wondering where I have been and start enjoying where I am now. Great post.
Great post -- i really appreciate your insight!
something to really stop and think about. ive been in california, in so many ways than just physically...
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